Win or lose
by E. Lovett
Summary: After Robin and Starfire's kiss, something is set free inside Raven. She decides to go to Azarath, but what problems will she encounter there? Will she realize what's happening to herself? Raven X Robin
1. I will not be silent

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me. This story plot is from my own head and I have not read it anywhere else. No resemblance to anybody else's story is intended.

**.**

* * *

**-1-**

It wasn't planned.

She thought she would be okay.

She thought of it as pure admiration, even if everyone could tell a new couple was to form between them.

But there she was, faking a smile – if it could be called a smile, before Robin and Starfire, who had just finished showing their affection.

But why was it fake? She knew it was going to happen, why didn't the smile come from her heart? And she was certainly prepared for it. But why did she feel like it caught her by surprise? She didn't have a safety net to fall in, this time.

Too many questions and too much confusion.

They were so happy.

"Well, it's about time," Cyborg added.

She was so disgusted. They didn't even hide like they always did.

Raven started walking away, as the other two helped Robin and Starfire to get up. She looked up at the source of the rain: the sky. Yes, it was raining, just to make it more dramatical. She had to suffer in silence, like she always did. But last time, they found out, her friends did. This time she had to do her best to keep it secret.

The next days almost flied. The medals, everything. The only thing she remembered was those two holding hands, Starfire reminding her how she ended up as a mascot for gum, and smacking Beast Boy for some reason she forgot.

She was now watching the rain, again, pouring down her window, from her bed in the Titans Tower. She sighed and lay back on the bed, staring at the darkness of her own room. Despite the hour, it was pretty dark outside, thing that made her room even darker. She almost closed her eyes when she heard footsteps coming from outside her room. Whoever it was, he was walking fast. She locked her door, using her powers, so he wouldn't burst in. She hated that.

"Raven?"

Knock, knock.

She immediately recognized Beast Boy's voice. She had no intention to talk to him, as he was bothering her every minute since those two had kissed. She assumed he must have gained courage. She didn't answer, but he knew she was there.

"Raven, please, are you there?"

She smirked to herself, "No"

"Oh okay, then – wait!" She heard him almost fall down, probably realizing 'something'. "If Raven's not there, who's there?"

She tediously lay her palm on her forehead and closed her eyes in annoyance, "You idiot".

"Oh, Raven!" the happiness from his voice came through the door to Raven's ears. She slowly got up to her full length and walked through the darkness until she reached her door. The way there seemed strangely long in obscurity. She unlocked the door and gave Beast Boy a glare that could freeze an army.

"What?" the usual question if anyone dared to bother her.

"I… just wanted to cheer you up a bit. You seem down since our trip to Tokyo." She backed off, fearing her suffering had been discovered. She still needed time to ponder. They came back from Tokyo only two days before.

"I'm always like this. There's absolutely no difference in my behavior. And if this is the only thing you came here, you did it in vain," she was about to close the door but he stopped her. She frowned and realized how awkward her words sounded.

"We could play a game"

"No," she simply closed the door and supported her back to it. She slowly glided down, ending up in fetus position, hugging her knees as hard as she could. Now she had time to think about it.

Well, some people would have immediately thought that she and Robin could have made a couple after what happened on her birthday. He cared so much for her that she even started imagining them two together. But she had to keep her emotion locked, so she decided to look at it as pure admiration, nothing more.

He didn't seem upset. He didn't even care.

And then, this. Well, yes, Starfire was close to Robin, everybody could see they were about to form a new couple. She had, indeed, some doubts that could be translated as hope, but she finally managed to be okay with the idea. But when she saw them kissing, it was like someone broke in her soul and unlocked her every emotion. They were just running free inside her. She could hardly control herself.

"Robin…" she whispered his name, recalling all that. Yes, she was the one who had let it die. She was the one who destroyed her own hope. It was her fault.

She looked back on the window. It was still raining. She took a deep breath and rose up. Beast Boy was still at her door, she could hear him breath. He was babbling nonsense about what games they could play. He had lost a dear one, too. And now Raven was able to feel half of his pain. Only half. She felt sorry for him, but she knew nobody could make her feel better, not even his dry jokes.

The girl grabbed her cloak and walked to her window. She couldn't see much, the raindrops were dancing too fast on her window. There was too much water on it. She longed to feel them dancing on her body, so she sloppily opened the window and flied out, closing it after her. The wet air invaded her senses, as she flied up, on the roof.

She could see the city from there, without interferences form her window. It was more beautiful under rain than in usual daylight. She closed her eyes and let the rain wash away her sadness, pouring down her eyelids. The sensation it gave her was beyond any game, meditation, or anything. She felt peaceful and safe up there.

o0o

"Raven?"

Ugh.

"Hey, Raven. Wake up!"

It took her some time to realize Robin was talking to her. Her memory returned to her, but her vision was still a bit blurry.

"Ro-Robin?"

The teenage girl realized she had fallen asleep on the roof. Robin must have found her and brought her to… his room? She analyzed what she could with her blurry vision and concluded there was where she was. In his room.

She touched her now closed eyes and noticed the cause of her blurry sight was tiny raindrops that hadn't dried.

"How did you manage to fall asleep in the rain, out there? Lucky I didn't know it was raining and wanted to watch the sunset," he smiled as she brushed away the water from her eyelashes. She slightly smiled back.

"Why… here?"

The sentence wasn't complete and not many people would understand what she meant, but as always, Robin did.

"Your room is locked, Beast Boy and Cy are playing on the couch…" he looked up in an innocent way. She stared at him, admiring his every trait. His mask, his nose, his mouth. She fancied to know what was behind his mask, she longed to see his eyes, his soul.

No secrets.

"I should go," she said waking up from the trance she was in after noticing he felt uncomfortable with her eyes analyzing him like that. She struggled upward and spun to face the door. She heard him sigh.

Somehow, it felt like she had just fainted. The waking up, it was more complicated than it usually was. After all, she had just fallen asleep!

'Maybe the fact that I woke up in his arms makes me feel so awkward,' she said to herself, opening the door.

"Raven," Robin murmured. She turned her head as a response. "Can I… ask you something?"

The tone of his voice alarmed the poor girl. Holding a secret was more difficult than it seemed, it made her feel guilty for everything. She relaxed, in an effort to seem as normal as possible, but failed miserably.

"Sure"

* * *

**A/N:** I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I don't like to bore people. It's just that I've seen so many fics with the action happening so suddenly that I may exaggerate a bit with mine. Please tell me if you think so.

Also, it's my first Teen Titans fanfic. I hope you enjoyed it, and please review so I can write with the certitude someone's reading it.


	2. Tomorrow's bleeding

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me. This story plot is from my own head and I have not read it anywhere else. No resemblance to anybody else's story is intended.

.

* * *

**-2-**

"Raven," Robin murmured. She turned her head as a response. "Can I… ask you something?"

The tone of his voice alarmed the poor girl. Holding a secret was more difficult than it seemed, it made her feel guilty for everything. She relaxed, in an effort to seem as normal as possible, but failed miserably.

"Sure," she vaguely frowned.

"Are you okay? You seem pretty down and it isn't normal for you to just fall asleep on the roof"

She relaxed her shoulders and forced a slight smile to assure him of her words.

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine," she said spinning to walk out of his room. She opened the door using her powers.

"Wait, Rav-"

She didn't hear the rest, as she had already closed the door after her. And she knew she didn't want to hear it, neither.

The whole tower was dark; no one had bothered to turn the light on. She sighed as she left for her own room that wasn't that far at all, but it seemed longer in darkness and after what had happened. She was thankful that Robin decided not to follow her.

Finally in her room, the teenage girl went to her bookcase to see what she could read, to make time pass and forget about her troubles. She grabbed every book to see their titles, but didn't find anything that she hadn't already double-read, ignoring Romeo and Juliet. She sighed and decided to relax listening to music.

Indeed, Raven enjoyed silence more than anything else, but it just drove her into meditation, and that reminded her of Robin and everything. She turned on the radio.

**_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,  
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star_**

She frowned, "no romance, please," and changed the station.

**_Elle tu l'aimes si fort si fort  
Au point, je sais que tu pourrais mourir pour elle_**

A sweat drop appeared on her head as she pressed the button to switch the station.

**_What is love?  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more_**

Okay, now she was angry. She switched it again.

**_Never gonna give you up,__  
__Never gonna let you down,__  
__Never gonna run around and desert you._**

She raised an eyebrow and changed the station again.

**_Hello and welcome to the Romantica Radio station!_**

The girl used her powers to blow the radio to bits and sighed in defeat. It looked like fate was against her now.

A lighting blade cracked the sky in half, followed by a loud noise that hinted her it the rain had transformed into an ugly storm. She masked the pictures her window was giving her with her thick, dark blue curtains.

Suddenly, she felt cold. Judging she didn't have her cloak on anymore, she thought of putting another back on, but realized why she was cold. Her clothes were wet. She sighed and reached for her closet to change, and thought about her reaction if Robin would've done that. She swallowed and continued changing.

She considered going to the library and borrow a book, but the thunder reminded her of the storm. She took a deep breath and walked out, heading for the main room in the tower, where she was to find Beast Boy and Cyborg into a game. They looked very concentrated, and she liked that. In that way, they wouldn't bother her with questions. She hadn't talked with them in a while, after all.

The girl sat near Beast Boy and gazed at the screen. They were playing some random fight game Cyborg had just bought. She knew that because he bothered her 4 hours about it, in front of her door.

And out of nowhere, Robin entered the room and sat near her.

She twitched and looked down, in an ashamed way. She was about to say something random, but Beast Boy apparently won the game and jumped up, hitting her with his elbow and caught by surprise, she fell into Robin's lap. She twitched again and jumped up, scratching her neck.

"Um… I… I'm... heh… I'm sorry," she said backing off and preparing to go out of the room when Robin stopped with a hand on her shoulder. He smiled and she raised both her eyebrows in confusion.

"No need to, things happen," he said still smiling that kind smile of his. Raven thought of it as surprisingly warm, she felt whole whenever she saw her friend's smile. It was a sign for her not to worry and that everything was great. She slightly smiled back, brushing off his hand.

"Yeah"

They stared at each other for a while. She couldn't see much behind his mask, but stared at its whiteness. He, on the other hand, looked right into her eyes. She closed them, shaking her head and walked pass him, to get out. He turned to look at her walking away.

Whatever she was doing, something had to bother her.

"Is this the national 'Bother Raven' day, or what?" she murmured closing the door of her room. She threw herself in her bed, trying to get some sleep. But she had just waked up, so it was futile. She tossed and turned, in desperate efforts of thinking of something else. This thing was tormenting her worse than her father, and she didn't even realize why. Why did the fact that Robin kissed Starfire bother her that much? She only looked at Robin as at a friend, nothing more. She considered him her best friend…

'Maybe I should take a trip to Azarath and meditate there… it would be more silence, and there wouldn't be any Beast Boy or Cyborg to bother me about playing some dull kung-fu game…,' she reflected while sitting on her bed.

Her chain of thoughts was interrupted by a piercing alarm.

"Trouble," she murmured and put on her hood. Her door automatically opened and she ran to the main room, where she found everyone waiting for her.

"What happened?" she used an alarmed tone to fake the fact that she cared.

"Some robot is attacking the town," Beast Boy answered, as he transformed into a bird and flied away. Starfire grabbed Robin and she took Cyborg. As always, she had to deal with the heaviest.

"What about a diet?" she growled throwing Cyborg a glare that he couldn't see, anyway.

"Did I hear a grumpy Raven say something?" he growled back.

"No, you heard a Raven that lets you fall. Go get your car," she said with a smirk and dropped him. She heard him curse on his way down. Starfire stopped to glance at what they were doing and ended up chuckling. Raven just flied by and Robin scolded Starfire for stopping.

Their opponent was, indeed, a huge robot that looked more like a toy robot. But he had some pretty sharp teeth and his first victim was the unlucky Raven. She quickly got up and used her powers to throw two cars at it. Nothing happened.

"Damn," she complained and flied up to its head. It tried to chase her away like a human would do to a fly, but she dodged its arms.

"Starfire! Now!" Robin shouted from behind her and she looked at them. Starfire threw Robin towards the monster and he landed on its shoulder. In that interval of time, it managed to catch Raven by surprise. Robin didn't seem to notice, as he proceeded to its head and put a bomb in some hole full with colorful wires. Raven didn't even have enough time to pick up herself and scream for Robin to observe her. He jumped off and left her there.

The robot's head blew off and it lost balance, with Raven still stuck there. Robin had already reached the ground when he noticed Raven's disappearance.

"Raven!"

But it was too late.

The giant android fell on her side. It crushed her and some towers near.

"Raven!" the Titans yelled after her in unison but didn't get any response from the girl. They ran to the place it had fallen and Robin tried to push it off. But the comparison 'Robin and a huge robot' was fairly pathetic. He had no chance.

Beast Boy transformed into a dinosaur and jumped on it.

"No! You could hurt her!" Robin tried to stop him, but it seemed he knew what he was doing. In fact, he made two cracks in it, and it spit in half. Cyborg helped and removed the upper part, with the price of some other towers. And so, a crushed, wounded, half dead and with most part of her clothes ripped, Raven was revealed to them.

"Raven!"

Tch.

Robin ran to her and grabbed her head to look at her, and then put his ear on top of her chest to see if her heart was still beating. Fortunately, it was.

"Ro-Robin… take m-me… h-home…," was the only things she said before closing her eyes. Robin brushed away her hair and put it behind her ear and slowly lifted her from the ground. He carried her in bridal way and faced the other Titans.

"I guess this was it. Cyborg, do you have two more seats?" he asked and looked at Cyborg, and then at his car.

"Yeah, sure," he smirked. "Even though Raven doesn't deserve it."

Robin slightly raised an eyebrow but suddenly changed his expression when his eyes met Starfire's.

"Why do you need two seats, friend Robin?" she was still calling him 'friend'. "You can leave her with our friend Cyborg and let _me_ take you back."

And this was a perfect trait of selfishness. Her expression made it worse, and Robin didn't really know what to tell her. What if she thought of it in the wrong way? Well, he had to tell her the truth.

"It's my fault that she ended up like this," he looked at the sleeping Raven in his arms.

"No! It isn't! Please, Robin, let me show you something!" Starfire pleaded, taking his hand into hers. He looked away and sighed. He knew Starfire. He knew she wouldn't let go of her purpose that easily. But he had no chance, he felt guilty for what happened.

"I'm sorry, Star"

He walked pass her and took a seat in Cyborg's car. He made him sign to enter and drive them to the tower, but he hesitated a bit, looking at Starfire. He raised his shoulder at her, as a sign of 'sorry' and made his way to the car, where Robin gently put Raven on the seat close to him. Starfire flied away, and Robin looked at her, hoping that she would understand.

"Ugly situation," Cyborg whispered and started the engine.

"Shut up and drive"

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

The beeps followed her pulse.

Black.

Her eyes were still closed, and she wasn't able to find the power to open them. She grimaced and forced herself to see.

Blurry.

Her vision cleared and she was able to distinguish the tower's emergency room. Medical equipment over medical equipment. It looked like a storm had just passed by. She analyzed the bed she was lying on. It was all in blue, her favorite color. It was all warm and cozy, but something was wrong. She looked beside her pillow and saw Robin resting his head there.

"Robin?" she asked, and her echo made a shiver run through her body. She didn't want to wake him up, but that thought came to her mind only after she had already asked, and he had opened his eyes. She could see they were moving from his mask.

"Raven? You… woke up?" a bizarre tone followed his words. A worn out one. She didn't talk to him when he was tired, so this attitude was stranger to her. She never wanted to get on his nerves; he was her best friend and that was the least she could do.

"As you can see, yes," she claimed after she regained her chain of thoughts and Robin lifted his head, trying to stand up at his full length.

"Well, well, was 'bout time," an enthusiast Cyborg said, bursting in, almost destroying the doors. Robin looked down and started walking away. She looked at him, but didn't say anything. Instead, Cyborg did it for her.

"Where're you going, pal?" he said and stopped him from his way out with an arm.

"I'm tired," he simply replied and brushed his arm off.

"Hey guilty man, did you even apologize?" he shouted, but Robin had already closed the door, and a deep sigh could be heard from outside. Raven and Cyborg were left in silence; they weren't even looking at each other.

"So… what happened?" Raven said with her natural uninterested accent.

"You fell in coma for two weeks," Cyborg said and twisted to face her. Her eyes widened in surprise. "Robin didn't leave you, not even for eating. Only for toilet, I think, huh," he looked naively upward. "I had to come here and feed him like a baby"

Raven stared through him. She couldn't believe her ears, why would he do that?

Cyborg silently left the room, not as sloppily as he entered and left a confused Raven alone in her bed.

A sensation of dread invaded her stomach.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep…_

* * *

**A/N:** Haha Raven got Rick Roll'd.

Well, whatever, if you're curious to know the songs' names, just ask me.

School is coming, and I have to hurry up, or I'll end up finishing this story in 2010! Or give up doing my homework. Hm… sounds interesting.

Huh, anyway… I hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to review!


	3. This war's not over

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me. This story plot is from my own head and I have not read it anywhere else. No resemblance to anybody else's story is intended.

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* * *

**-3-**

She was left a long period to consider if leaving Earth to meditate on Azarath would have been a good idea. What could've happened? After all, it was only for a week, or two. Maybe less. Besides, seeing Starfire and Robin would only bring her more suffering, for unknown reasons, again. She sighed and lay back on her bed. They had moved her back into her room.

She let her head sink in her soft pillow, closing her eyes as she was about to sleep, when someone knocked on the door. She opened her eyes and moaned; one of the most hated things of her was someone entering her room.

"What?" she finally spoke, closing her eyes back and trying to keep a pissed off tone.

"It's me," she immediately recognized Robin's voice through the door.

"What… do you want?" her tone softened as she opened her eyes again and sat.

"Just to talk," he said. "I hope it isn't a problem, or that I-"

"Come in," she interrupted him and he opened the door, letting small waves of light enter her dark room. He smiled slightly at her while she just nodded.

"Can I turn on the lights?" he asked, and after backed off as Raven used her powers to turn them on. "Reading my mind, huh?" he laughed and she faintly smiled.

He slowly approached her bed, the door automatically closing after him. Her smile turned vaguer, finally disappearing when he sat near her. He put his hand to rest on her shoulder and she slowly brushed it off, turning serious.

"What is it you want to talk about, Robin?" her voice visibly piercing through him.

"I'm not sure…" he said and Raven arched an eyebrow. "How do you feel? Are you-"

"I'm perfect"

They stared at each other, awkwardly not being able to say a word. She knew how stupid her sentence sounded, and in how many ways it could be interpreted, but she couldn't explain herself. She was just looking through his mask, in its pure whiteness, and felt she just had to get closer, to hug him. But the last time she hugged him was far away in the past, and she didn't knew how he would've reacted, as she had a reason back there.

_I hugged you because I felt I had to do it._

She shook her head, and they both regained their normal self. He teenage girl looked away as he did the same. He took a deep breath.

"Well, I guess I'm not welcome here," he said with a small laugh, taken wrong by Raven who yanked. He got up and waved at her. She watched him walk away, something holding her from saying anything. Just when he opened the door, Starfire came rushing through it.

"Friend Raven!" she shouted but stopped sighting Robin. "Friend Robin, you're not friend Raven" she said in awe. Robin laughed again and patted her head.

"Still calling me 'friend'?" he said and walked away in laugher. The girl turned around to stare at him walking away, just like Raven did. She coughed to remind Starfire she was there.

"Oh, friend Raven! I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you a tamaranean specialty!" she said, showing a wide smile that pissed Raven off even more. She somewhat appreciated what she was doing, but not as long as she was in her room without permission.

"I'm not hungry," she flatly replied, but her stomach growled in sign of hunger. A sweat drop appeared on her forehead as Starfire smiled victoriously.

"Don't be shy, friend Raven! I have done a lot of work to achieve this!" she said, passing her a big plate filled with something that looked like green meat. Raven swallowed after sighing in defeat. She grabbed the plate and threw Starfire a kind look of thank. Starfire joyfully waved and walked away, the door closing after her. Raven looked at the plate in her hands and seized the fork, making huge efforts not to look at the food, which was pretty hard. The food seemed disgusting, but she finally struggled to take it with her fork, and slowly approached her mouth.

It was surprisingly delicious.

She continued eating it with a kind of suspiciousness, but a satisfied smirk dominating her lips. After finishing it, she put it on the side table and walked to the window. It was dark, probably evening. Lights were coming from the city, thing that always put her on thoughts. She thought of those thousand people having fun in that moment, not caring for any villain, knowing they would never voluntarily get in a fight for the good causes.

She touched the glass separating her from the rest of the world, in an attempt to feel the happiness everybody far away, there, was feeling. She lowered her eyelids and her mouth opened slightly.

_I want..._

She didn't know herself what she wanted. Did she want to be like them? Did she want to be someone else? Or did she just lust to be as happy as the people out there were?

A cold shiver ran down her spine as she covered her body with her arms.

"I should really consider going to Azarath," she spoke to nobody and fell to knees.

* * *

The girl leisurely passed through the Towers halls, knowing that know nobody would disturb her, because they all were sleeping. The silence running through the tower became annoying. She tried making louder footsteps to dispel it, even if she could wake up the other titans. Too much silence could be irritating at one point even for the quiet Raven. Lastly, she had been used to loud noises made by Beast Boy mostly, since they came back from Tokyo. They had all been bothering her about her short depression, and she never gave them a certain answer, as she wasn't sure herself.

She punched a wall near her causing someone to wake up, as she heard a yawn coming from the door nearby. She thought of running away but it was already too late, the door had opened and there stood Cyborg, with some sort of fluffy, dark blue hat on him.

"Oh my, are you throwing a pajama party?" she said ironically, as the sleepy Cyborg shook his head aggressively.

"Raven! Don't question Mr. Hat's presence," he said shaking a finger in front of her. She arched an eyebrow, demanding explanations. "He makes me feel warm inside," Cyborg added shyly looking away. At his surprise, Raven let out a little laugh. He smiled at this achievement: Raven wasn't easy to make laugh recently. He reached his arm to pat her head and she looked up at him in surprise, with big eyes.

"I'd usually be angry at you for waking me up," he started. "But something within me says I should tell you that everything will work out, whatever's bothering you," he added with a wide, sincere smile. She stared at him, and he finally removed his hand. He could tell Raven was wondering about something, and he decided to explain, "Nobody goes around punching walls because of nothing." Raven opened her mouth to say something, but Cyborg turned around and waved to her. "G'night"

She waved back, even though he couldn't see her, and added whispering a 'good night' only after he had closed the door. But once again, she had a feeling of dread, and that she needed somebody to be near her, to hug her.

_Everything will work out._

_

* * *

  
_

"Are you sure we can't do anything to make you stay?" Beast Boy questioned from behind, making Raven jump up in surprise. She turned around sighting her friends – Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire, staring at her with curious sparkles in their eyes. For one moment she didn't observe Robin's absence. She faintly shook her head, somehow with a touch of sadness and deliberation. She was on the top of the Titans Tower, ready to make her departure to Azarath, where she wanted to stay about one week to meditate.

"I'll return, be sure of that. I'll return as the Raven you're all used with; I just need some meditation, where nobody can bother me, and where I feel complete, without any obligation to hide anything"

The titans present looked at her how she lowered her head, recognizing she might be wrong. But she really needed to see herself if it was or not a good idea. To demonstrate he supported her, Beast Boy approached and laid his hand on her shoulder. She looked at it with a touch of melancholy before giving its owner a sight and turning around. She raised her hand as a wave and her feet broke away from the ground, a blue energy surrounding her.

"Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos!"

She said the rest of her magic words almost powerlessly, as if she hadn't got enough sleep. Her friends were still staring at here, when she turned around to see, for the last time in one week, their faces, now pretty worried. She, herself, couldn't manage to understand why they were so worried, and melancholy overflowed inside her. For an instant there, she thought about how it would've been if she came back and found everything lost. Raven had, indeed, some hesitations, but what was decided, was decided, there was no turning back.

A blue energy surrounded her and she found herself in the portal she hadn't seen for almost a year, when she last went there. This time, there was nobody to catch her, to try to stop her whatsoever. It was only her mind.

She opened her eyes and immediately recognized her planet.

The buildings looked like ruins like when she had left it the last time. She had to go and beg her mother to give her somewhere to stay, and to have a good sight of everything that was Azarath, too. That relaxed her and helped her find her emotions. She walked through the ruins, examining every corner to see if it was as she had left it. Yes, everything was at its place.

The desolate image made her want to leave, but she said to herself it had to be done. Of course, it couldn't be compared to the city's lights and happiness during night time, but that was what it was. She relaxed thinking that after one week she would be able to enjoy the things she had left even more; as a new and stable person she wanted to become.

"Mother"

* * *

Once found, her mother greeted her with the back. She already knew what she wanted and pointed to a door nearby. Why did she give her that sensation of guilt? Was it because… she didn't visit Azarath for her? Well, she had her reasons.

As soon as she reached to the door her mother pointed to, she looked back to see if a conversation could be started, but no one was there anymore. Worry infested her face and soul as she tried to forget about her.

"I feel like a criminal"

She could talk to herself there, nobody would hear her.

That could help her too. It would make her less lonely and be able to speak to her emotions clearly and loudly. She could do everything there; she was free as a bird.

_Raven._

The teenage girl changed her clothes to the white ones. She hated them, but they more comfortable and suitable for what she wanted to do. That wasn't to be an ordinary meditation, no. She would stay a whole week or six days in that state, with no eating or sleeping. That was another reason her planet was better for that: it was safer. On Earth, any madman could come and disturb her, or Beast Boy could disturb her as well. She knew that even if they would've made the most solemn promises, she still would've been bothered by something.

_But why do I have the feeling that what I'm doing is pointless and…_

She took a deep breath and glanced at the whole ruined city.

* * *

"I don't care! I'm going!"

Shouts, anger and disappointment.

"If you're going, I will do breaking up!"

Hurt.

"Fine"

Compromises.

* * *

…_I already know what this emotion is?_

_Or is it just hiding from me? _

_Fine, I will play hide-and-seek with you, emotion._

_

* * *

  
_

**A/N: **I'll correct misspellings tomorrow, my head is ready to blow brains around.

Well, enjoy, and don't forget to review. =)

Kinda short, eh? .


	4. Lifeless words

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me. This story plot is from my own head and I have not read it anywhere else. No resemblance to anybody else's story is intended.

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* * *

**-4-**

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Meterion Zinthos…"_

She repeated her magic words almost with no end, floating in the air. It had barely passed two hours and she already was starving. It would surely take time to get used to it, but she focused on calm and peace, and managed to forget about hunger and other human needs. She was on the edge of Azarath, and who saw her could suddenly become terrified, thinking she might fall. She was aware of that, she was aware that if somebody disturbed her, she would've died.

The point was to forget that. The point was to forget about everything that consisted of her body. Only her mind would live. She'd detach from her material life. If her body was injured during that, her mind was in danger not to return anymore.

Her mind traveled in time, from the time she was born, until present. She saw her mother's suffering, her own, her father's pride. She saw herself grow up. Raven grew up for the second time.

The moments filled with pain were twice as painful. The moments of happiness, not regarding how less they were, were twice as pleasant.

~*~

"Who are you and what are you doing on Azarath?" the guardian asked, impatiently.

"I'm looking for my friend," Robin answered with the same impatience. He pulled out a mini-bomb, ready to throw it. The guardian advanced and took out his sword, gaining a battle position.

"Nobody is here," the guardian replied. "Go away"

"She is!" Robin yelled and with a quick movement threw the bomb and jumped up from its range of explosion. As smoke slowly dissolved into the air, he distinguished the guardian's immense silhouette, unscratched.

~*~

Many days passed, as she saw her life running faster and faster before her eyes. Although you could say she was going through a faster version of her life, she still had time to analyze every little bit of it. She wanted to know what she had done wrong; she wanted to live her emotions real as they were, again, at the same place and at the same time. It was hard not to regret, if Raven could change the past, she would've done it from the moment she was born. But she couldn't waste time for regret there; she needed to focus on her emotions back _then_.

She had reached, after five days, at the part when she had to fight her father. Something was just too obvious. Something there was waving and then hiding. Why was it so hard to see it? Why was it hiding, and what was it? A feeling? Was it that feeling of…?

She ran through her own life and realized nothing was as she had initially planned.

~*~

His clothes half ripped, almost disfigured and exhausted, Robin continued to fight the guards, making all his efforts to take them down. Even his gadgets had become useless, as he had already tried them all and the group had started learning them and their weaknesses.

"Please! Just let me go!" he shouted, once grounded by one of them. The guard smirked mischievously and let out a little laugh.

"And what if I say no?"

"Please… I want to… see her…" he said under his breath, trying also to find a soft spot on which he could hit. But in the golden armor he was, he could barely be touched.

He took his time to analyze their armors. They were made of some sort of golden metal with various textures on them, especially on feet, and he couldn't really see their arms, as the rest of the body was covered with black or red capes, depending on their status, he thought. They were looking just like Raven's, but without the hood.

"Her, who?" the guard stopped him from his contemplation with a foot in the head. Robin frowned and let out different sounds, letting them know he was in deep pain and he was in no state to fight anymore.

"Raven"

The guards backed off, and their leader hesitated, "she wished not to be disturbed"

He shrugged and tried to pull his foot off, but failed miserably, ending up with his foot right in his face. The guard laughed maniacally and the others did the same. However, he didn't feel embarrassed whatsoever.

"She's my friend, I'm sure I can… _disturb_"

"No. You. Can't," he lifted Robin up, staring sarcastically through his mask. He threw him away and some other two of his friends grabbed him by his cape and started dragging him through the dust. They all laughed as he rolled through dirt and failure.

~*~

She had arrived at the moment Starfire and Robin were kissing. Watching herself faking her smile, making huge efforts not to run away. She approached her own face and looked deep in her own eyes. Raven couldn't recognize herself. Emotions had broken free in her, and her eyes weren't as cold as always.

She had felt.

_She had felt it_.

Suddenly her cape turned green and she fell down, the Raven from the past letting go a tear. She yelled and reached her hand out for her, she didn't remember crying back then! She mustn't have changed the past!

_Hope remains._

~*~

He had been held captive for more than three days, in a cold cage with no light at all. The only food he got was bread; he didn't drink water, because it was dirty, way too dirty. Indeed, he had become skinnier, but he could resist without water. Robin was a superhero, and he would do anything for his friend, Raven.

_Friend._

He felt an ache in his heart, as if someone had stabbed him. Suddenly, the room started spinning around, illusion created by his headache. In an effort of making it stop, he pressed both his hands on his head, but nothing worked. The boy fell down on his stomach, still holding his head. The pain was uncontrollable; he started questioning himself how he could survive that.

The shaking stopped, and Robin found himself before his cage, but it was open. Did it really happen? He slowly looked around him and saw no trace of any guardian.

He ran, and he ran until he arrived at the edge of Azarath, where he could distinguish Raven's silhouette, in her white cloak, floating over the line of her own existence.

~*~

She had been _denying_ it.

She didn't want herself to feel it. She thought she didn't need love.

But there she was, making a huge fuss because she didn't know how love felt like. She slowly regained her body, and once she could feel her own skin, Raven fell down to her knees. She looked up, at nothing in particular and started crying.

But she wasn't crying out of sadness. She was laughing through tears.

Knowing nobody could hear her, she shouted to God up there, her only witness, "I love him!" and through her hiccups, "I don't care about my friends!"

No, she didn't care about what they had to say about it. The only thing she wanted was him, the taken boy named Robin, and she decided to make anything just to start a new beginning. It was a unique chance, but less did she know that from behind, someone had heard everything she had said and destroyed that chance of hers.

She turned around and saw nothing but dust.

_Must've been my imagination._

_

* * *

  
_

**A/N: ** I can't believe I've done it!

This is the short chapter before the _grand finale._ Reviews highly appreciated, especially now when I'm kind of out of ideas and very busy.

Next chapter will also contain my special thanks to the ones who have supported me.

Also, I'll start naming my chapters, inspirated by the song _Shattered_ (Trading Yesterday).

I hope you've enjoyed this. =)


	5. Take me home, to my heart

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me. This story plot is from my own head and I have not read it anywhere else. No resemblance to anybody else's story is intended.

.

* * *

**-5-**

_Finale._

The say had finally come. She would go back, see her friends, and probably endure their questions. They would probably have a party, and she would just lock herself in her room, again.

But there on Azarath, she felt free to love Robin. Could she do the same thing on Earth? Wouldn't she feel awkward? Or guilty for loving a taken one?

That was to be seen.

She looked back to see her mother, who kindly waved, with soft touches of sadness in her eyes. Raven approached, and hugged her. Once released, Arella found her voice and spoke.

"How many times do I have to watch you leave?" she asked, gently brushing her hand on Raven's cheek.

"You know my place is not here, mother," she answered, plainly. At those words, her mother's expression suddenly changed and she turned around to walk away.

"Good luck with the boy"

Raven shrugged, "Thanks." She looked away and sighed, opening the portal.

* * *

"Guys, I'm back"

There was no one in the tower, the lights were switched off, and the door was actually locked, but she forced her entrance. Oddly enough, the alarm didn't go off. She had already given up on her hopes when she reached the main room. Some thoughts of her friends throwing a party started showing up in her head. But they didn't know when she would come back so…

"SURPRISE!"

"Idiot! She didn't enter yet!"

That was… Beast Boy and Cyborg. She recognized their voices. So, they wanted to throw a party. She slowly opened the door and smirked at the sight of Cyborg punching Beast Boy and Starfire trying to calm him down.

"I'm… back," she said, in an attempt to make those two calm down and notice her.

"Friend Raven!" Starfire jumped at her and hugged her the hardest she could. This time, Raven didn't complain about not being able to breathe. "Where's Robin?" she asked out of a sudden, after she'd let her go.

"Robin? Don't know, didn't see him in the tower," she answered inspecting the room. But in no time, she woke up with Beast Boy hugging her, just like Starfire.

"…hi"

He didn't say anything buy moan.

"Raven, didn't you meet Robin on Azarath?" Cyborg asked her and laid his hand on her shoulder. Finally, someone who didn't hug her.

"Yeah, you should've," Beast Boy added.

_Robin? On Azarath?_

That would explain the feeling she had when she finished meditating. The feeling that… somebody was there. Could it have been Robin? Did he hear what she yelled? But more importantly, where was he now?

"Why did he come after me?" she managed to ask, although she would've asked tons of other questions. She noticed Starfire becoming sad out of a sudden. "And… how did you know I was coming?"

Beast Boy took out a little round thing with a "T" engraved on it. She recognized it as their communicator. "It detected you as soon as you landed on Earth"

"Can it detect Robin, too?" Starfire asked.

"Yes, but he still isn't on Earth," Cyborg answered, instead of Beast Boy. "Should we go after him?"

"I suggest not," Raven said, causing all eyes look at her curious. "Who knows where he is? And then we would just do worse; what if he returns while we are gone and then parts for us? And we come back, and-"

"What do you mean, not going after Robin?!? Are you crazy?!? After all he's done for you!" Starfire took a step forward and pointed violently to the teenage girl.

"Was I the one who told him to do so?!? He's not that stupid not to be able to come back! He's fine by his own…," Raven's tone started to be heard more and more quiet.

"I think Raven's right," Cyborg interrupted. "I'm sure he will come back" he patted Starfire's shoulder, who was now more confused than furious. But, in the end, could she oppose? Somehow, she knew they were right. She just needed to have faith in Robin.

"I… I just want him back," she finally gave in and fell to her knees. Raven started feeling very left outside. What had been happening while she was on Azarath? Did they two break up, or what?

There was no need to continue asking Starfire what had happened. Eventually, she would ask Cyborg, but later. Now she needed some relaxation, again. She needed to find Robin, and being from Azarath, maybe she could find him even if he was there.

Raven gave the devastated Starfire cry her eyes out for one last time, and before turning to leave, made Cyborg sign to cheer her up. She slowly moved her feet through the long, cold halls, making herself way to her room. The air inside was thick, it was clear nobody had opened the windows. In fact, she thought nobody had entered at all. Well, those were her friends! They would learn after the first lesson!

"Or… not," she said and laid her eyes on her bed. It could be told someone had slept there. She sighed and arranged the bed, deciding she would question them later. From the small silhouette, it could've been Beast Boy. It was too small to be Cyborg. Or, it could be Robin. Yes, Robin would, at least, be a better choice.

She crawled to the middle of her bed and took a deep breath, before concentrating on Robin. She was already clear enough not to need to say her words or take her meditating position. She slowly closed her eyes, only to open them again, this time shining white of her power.

A blurry image started to form inside her. From the main colors, it could be told it was Azarath.

_Robin…_

He was there, and he was walking holding his left arm, his mask almost tore down, his clothes ripped off mostly. Suddenly, he stopped and looked around. He had probably sensed her, or heard her.

_Robin, what are you doing? _she asked him mentally. He visibly calmed down, recognizing Raven's voice and cleared his throat.

"Raven, traitor," he said before coughing blood and falling to the ground.

_What? How… Damn it, Robin, I'm coming after you!_

"Don't even… dare to," he stood up and glared around. "And… stop using that 'bond' we have to enter my mind. I forbid you to do that anymore!" his tone was so frightful, Raven was about to give up on the connection.

_I don't know what has given you this repulsion towards me, but… I will not give up to false theories. I will fight for you Robin, if I need to. I will sacrifice anything._

These were her last words before really giving up on the link. Her eyes returned to their normal color, she regained her soul.

…_Because I love you._

_

* * *

  
_

And with those last words, she fell asleep.

She woke up because of noise coming from outside. At first, she had no intention of getting out of her bed just to see what happened, but after she took notice of everyone's happy tones, curiosity took control of her. Besides, she could swear hearing one more voice.

She lazily got out of bed and arranged her hair in the mirror. Cautious not to be seen, she didn't bother to open the door, but went through it and notice how the noise was coming from the main room. She floated there and pasted her ear to the door.

"_I missed you so much!"_

"_Leave me alone. Where is Raven?"_

"_Dude, relax. She's in her room. Come, we have to party!"_

"_I said leave me alone!"_

"_Robin!"_

A shiver ran down her spine and suddenly paralyzed her. Robin was… there. She heard rushing footsteps coming to her direction and quickly materialized into the wall. Robin slammed the door open and went rushing to Raven's room. Lucky she wasn't there. Of course, she couldn't hide forever, but the least she could do was to wait until he'd be a little less furious.

She had, although, a little time to analyze him. He had almost all his clothes ripped off, his mask was on its way down, and he had scars all over the body. She had no idea where they came from, knowing Azarath doesn't have criminals or such, and that the guardians do their job, holding it quiet there.

After a while, her friends slowly walked out of the room, watching Robin run away. Starfire floated and was ready to fly after him when someone grabbed her hand. It was Raven.

"All you want is to destroy my relationship with Robin! Enemy Raven!" she shouted, pulling back her hand and flying away, probably to get to Robin. Raven was left there with Cyborg and Beast Boy, with a strange thick atmosphere. She looked at them and analyzed their pissed off expressions. Something sure was wrong. What had Robin told them? She felt uneasy and their glares were just piercing through her.

"What's… wrong?"

Millions of regrets kept falling on her head when she saw their reactions. They looked like they had been waiting for that moment forever, like they _wanted _to argue.

"Wrong? What? _You _are wrong, Raven! You are evil!" Cyborg snapped, and the girl took two steps back. Her friends were acting strange.

"Evil!" Beast Boy repeated and frowned at her, making another shiver run down her spine.

"Guys… what… did Robin tell you?" her voice trembled. She was afraid of the answer, yet she felt an enormous need to know it. She waited for the impact in silence.

"_You let him die"_

_

* * *

  
_

_Raven._

What?

_Run._

Huh?

_It's already late. Run._

_

* * *

  
_

She ran to her room, where most likely Robin would be found. The air hit her face, and she didn't care. She had too many emotions running free in her to be able to fly, or use any of her powers. She ran as fast as she could, through the long, the short, the hot, the cold corridors of the tower. She stumbled, fell on her face, and finally got there, half dead.

"Robin!"

No answer came, the light was off and the room was a total mess. Not suitable for a person like Raven. The closets were open, clothes hung out. On the floor, there were almost all her books, and the book shelves were empty. Robin had probably searched for her, thinking she was hiding.

She didn't let herself use the bond to find him; he had forbidden her. Although it was easy to step on it, she didn't want to make him even angrier. She could even do it without his knowledge, but it was her heart that didn't let her.

She thought a while about where he could be, and the roof popped in her head. She regained her power, thanks to her will and flied through the window, up, just to see a crying Starfire and Robin watching the city.

"So… here you were…"

He let out a little laugh and nodded. Starfire didn't even look at them, she flied away. Everything was too weird, her friends were acting strange. At least they had a reason.

* * *

"_You let him die_"

"What?" she protested, "I didn't!"

"You said you don't care about friends just when he was there to meet you. Traitor, he was behind you. We all know how free you are on Azarath!" Beast Boy crossed his arms, making sign to Cyborg to continue.

"Why did you lie all this time? You said you wanted to be good! I thought you were healed of that 'evil' you kept talking about! Raven, what have you become?" Cyborg showed her a touch of sympathy, although. It still didn't help her to get all that.

Raven didn't let him die; he told her to leave her alone. And the fact she said she didn't care about friends… it was a total misunderstanding! Everyone on earth suddenly misunderstood her.

_Run._

_

* * *

  
_

"Why did you turn everybody against me so suddenly? Because of a misunderstanding?" Raven spoke, landing on the roof. He turned around and narrowed his eyebrows.

"Traitor"

"Come on! Is this the word of the day?!? Why are you all so evil today? You don't even let me ex-"

"_We _are evil?" Robin snapped and took a step forward, shocking Raven.

"See what I'm talking about? You didn't let me finish…," she looked away and sighed. "Robin, I do care about you. I offered you my help; why did you say I let you die?"

He started trembling. From her angle, Raven could say he was crying, because he was looking down and he had his eyes covered by his mask and hair. She slowly walked to him, and patted his back. He turned around out of a sudden. It was more than sure he was crying, now. Raven relaxed her shoulders and fell to the ground.

"Robin… I-"

"TRAITOR!" a high-pitched voice came from upwards. Both Robin and Raven turned to see who it was, and distinguished Starfire's slim silhouette. She had fireballs in her hands, her eyes were green. Her voice probably was like that from crying. Raven turned around to see Robin, and noticed he didn't cry. She heard Robin's scream and Starfire's in unison and fell to the ground.

Starfire had hit her.

* * *

"ROBIN!" Raven shouted, waking up. She couldn't see anything, but she could sense her bed sheets soft under her touch. She was in her bed, it was still night, and she sure wasn't dead. The teenage girl used her power to light up the room, and got out of the bed.

"A… nightmare?" she rested her head in her hands shaking it softly. "More like a premonition," she suddenly lifted her head, realizing something. Was it too late now? The past couldn't be changed, but the future could. What was it to be done? In that night, Robin was to come and be furious. He would search for her, and later she would be killed by Starfire.

What had caused them to become such monsters?

She tossed and turned in her bed, trying to find a solution before the sun would rise. This was the game she had entered in, the game that would let her dreams come true.

Going after him would be useless, pretending to pray for him when he opens the door would be pathetic… the final solution was to confess. She had to be ready to reach to him right when he comes, to fall to knees, confess, and wait for the blast.

Was that the best she could do?

Struggling to find a solution did nothing but drive her to another conclusion. After all, what conclusion could you take after seeing a guy doing so much just to take a girl back? He cared, and she had made a huge mistake for being so foolish not even being able to recognize love. The girl had closed herself too much, thing that lead her to that state. At least, it wasn't too late to change.

_Sunshine._

The time was near. Concentrating much would help her sense his presence without using their bond. Although something inside her wished Robin never to come back, she didn't back off. She refused to do the same mistakes of running away. She would face it. After all, why make such a fuss about a misunderstanding?

He was there; she was able even to hear his footsteps

The girl took a deep breath and materialized through the walls, reaching to the entrance door. She saw him on the shore, head down and breathing heavily. He looked the same as in her dream, and her fears became true. That really was a premonition. He was now there, probably exhausted after the long way.

"I'm sorry," she said while walking towards him. He faintly turned his head and looked at her, eyes half closed. "I'm terribly sorry," she fell to her knees and let her head fall down. "I didn't mean that. I… was wrong. I care. I care much more than you think!" she cried, tears starting to fill her eyes. Robin took some steps towards her, and finally bent down.

"So now, totally out of the blue, you care about us, our friends?" his tone was still menacing, like in her premonition.

The girl slowly lifted her head and took notice of his injured face. She would've touched his face, caressed him, but was too afraid of his possible reaction. The last thing she wanted to see was he yelling, slapping, or whatever.

"I said… I love _him_, right?" she looked away, and he nodded. "I already know your reaction. I know your hate towards me. I know you think I am a traitor. Please, understand… I meant…"

She was too filled up with tears to talk, and she knew how his patience was becoming thinner and thinner.

"Traitor…," he repeated her words all of a sudden, as if it was for himself. "Who is _him_?"

_My loss. _

"Robin, I have lost," she covered her eyes with her own hands. "I've lost the game"

He grabbed her from her chin and made her look at him, "answer me." Odd enough, he was faintly smirking.

"You are not… mad?" her under lip was trembling, all wet of her salty tears. His smirk disappeared, and she realized what a stupid thing she had stated. "When I said I don't care about friendship… I meant friendship from that only person… I meant…"

"You're stumbling through your own words," Robin laughed. He laughed. Raven couldn't believe her eyes. At one of her most awkward situations, he was laughing. "Why would you give up on friendship with someone?" he said once regaining his senses.

She blinked as few times, "to let it be replaced by love"

"And if it doesn't work?" he asked, playing with one of her bangs.

"Then..," she let some seconds for thought before answering, "then, I've lost"

They stood for some heavy seconds like that, looking down. She was too confused to react to anything now, and he was just a little unsure. The only thing he needed was a confirmation from her.

"I must say it, Robin. I don't want to lose… I…"

…

_I love you._

…

She looked at him, through the mask, she looked in his eyes, and surely he was doing the same. She felt nervous, happy, depressed, everything. Her powers could explode in that state.

Robin smirked.

"Raven," he approached her face. "Congrats, you won"

And with those last words, they both immersed in a passionate kiss, she fell on her back and he moved to her cloak, untying her costume.

_**- Fin -**_

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**A/N:** Some of you may wonder how Robin travelled. I wanted to put it in the story, but i didn't really know where, so I'll just say it here: with a lil' help form Arella, the one who punished the guards and set him free. ;)

Geez, I can't believe it. Finishing this story was such a pain in the ass.

First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your reviews. It really helped me continue the story. On top of that, this was my most reviewed story, I am really happy, because I spent some time working on it.

My special thanks would go to **RobRae4Ever!**, who I see kinda likes this pairing. =) My first reviewer, and the one who kept reviewing until the end, assuring me someone actually reads this (lol xD). Thank you very much.

Another special thank will go to **Raziel's Messenger, **who I must say is a great writer. If you want more Robin/Raven pairing, I suggest you read **No,** **I'm not Afraid, At Least Not to Die**, a great story written by this author.

**Mya84** also supported me well. Thank you, too. =)

Thank you, all my reviewers again for supporting me, I really appreciate I could bring this story an end.

~Emi.


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